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Homeless girl sex is fucking awesome

Does anyone else have a homeless friend? I have a friend that sl**ps in my driveway in his car for the past 2 weeks. Weird shit is, this motherfucker won't come inside! We tell him to come in but he just wants to sl**p out there. I think he is trying to pick up on a homeless girl and he wants to show her that he is going through the same struggle.

I see where he is going with this, I mean homeless girls can be hot. Think about the logistics. Chances are, she's not fat, she's not thinking clearly, and she's willing to do just about anything sexually.

I have to be honest, I think I fucked a homeless girl. Seriously, this was on accident though. I didn't mean to hook up with this "Residence Challenged" ho. Real quick, I'm going to take a hike to Tangetville right now. Dirty Jeans are the mots fucked up invention ever. Is it stylish? Are you actually poor and dirty? I'm not sure... I get how ripped nice jeans are cool, like "oh these are classics, James Dean mother fucker." But why the fuck would someone want to look dirty? Are these like retro Mexican Jeans? Why would someone want to give the impression they just got done picking strawberries when they didn't? Either way -

I'm in a bar and I'm d***k as shit. Let's all agree that we've had their fair share of beer goggles. Twilight Zone kicks in....Fat is skinny, ugly is hot, Arabians are not Arabians, etc. We all usually make the worst decisions right before closing time, because we feel that desperateness of leaving alone. Bartender yells the 4 worst words in the dictionary "Last call for Alcohol" and every dude feels like they are playing musical chairs for pussy. Worst part about this particle incident is that it was like 1:15 in the afternoon and I've been d***k for a good 7 hours.. i'm not a mathmatician, but I think I'm a borderline alchoholic. So this blonde walks in the bar, and to me, she's fucking banging. She's tall, skinny, etc. I have a thing for skinny blondes.. like mal nourished blondes.. not like Anne Frank but you know... haha too far, I know.

So she walks in and she's wearing a tank top and some dirty jeans. I thought - Hey, this bitch is stylish (fucking dirty jeans) and hot. I walk over to her and start with the bad pick up lines and I told her I love her shoes. I was like " those are nice kicks, where did you get them? I've never seen see through shoes before." And she looked at me kind of irritated and I didn't understand. My wingman whispered to me that he was pretty sure they were ziploc bags. Awkward ? I thought maybe it was a joke or something? Like she wanted to make sure guys who talked to her bagged their junk up ? Little mental grenade without telling people to pack some plastic.

So were chatting it up and I order us both a drink. She starts escalating shit real quick. She's whispering sexy into my ear, hands on my inner thighs, etc. The sexual tension was growing like Micheal Jackson's Dick at a daycare. So we stumble out to the parking lot and she asked if I can throw her "bike" in my car. I was like "Sure, I have a truck, no problem." I thought it was kind of strange, but thought maybe she's like environmentally friendly, going green, etc. You would think I would have connected the dots once I saw the bags of cans tied to her bike too but I thought this chick really cares about earth son, she's a saint! Recycle, Reduce, Reuse. For a second I thought I found Al Gore's daughter, which is a 2 for 1 for me but that's another weird story.

So we get to my place, and I leave her in the living room so I can take a piss. Normally I don't juts leave someone immediately but I had to pee like a d***k Sea Biscuit. I come out after a good 60 second piss (I have a piss timer on my wall for sheer convenience) and I see this chick throwing all my top ramen into her aluminum can bag. I'm like "Hey, what the fuck is going on here?!" I mean shit, that was my dinner for the month of April, I got nervous man. She told me that she noticed I had an abundance of food and she thought I would want to donate some to her favorite charity? I swear I thought I was going to bang Jesus for a second and it was really getting me jacked up.

So before I can respond to the Ramen Klepto, she shoves me in my room like an MMA fighter and just takes control. I felt like Harriet Tubman man, she was my master. And then, it happened. I have to say **Homeless Girl Sex is Fucking Awesome** She was fucking me like I was a winning big Spin ticket at 7-11. I'm in love, absolute Homeless Girl Love. She still hasn't left, she's sl**ping on my floor now...For some reason she doesn't like sl**ping on furniture? Maybe it's a comfort thing.

So as of now, I'm off the market. She's got my heart.

Moral of the story - Find yourself a homeless girl and run with it.

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