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How do you save a baby from drowning?
With a harpoon
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I went to the Boston Marathon to lend a hand...
...but apparently all they need is feet.
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O.J. Simpson
One day during the trials, O.J showed up in shorts and a Hawaiian shirt. His attorney said "what the hell are you doing?". O.J replied "aren't we going to Cancun?. The attorney turned to him and said " I said you're going to the Can Coon".
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What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair
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Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they...
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I thought of a new sex position!
'The Amanda Todd'
Make sure you wear no condom, Make your woman go on top and bounce. Finish by letting her put bleach on your penis.
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My girlfriend...
My girlfriend burnt dinner so bad the LAPD had to search it for Chris Dorner's remains
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I was going down on this girl and I realized something...
I was going down on this girl and I realized something was off...
I noticed I tasted horse semen. Clearly I was confused and I wanted an explanation so I looked up and asked, "Grandma, is that how you died?"
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How does a jew make coffee???
He brews it!
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Bond. James Bond.
I like my babies shaken, not stirred.
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Your Mama fucks for bricks
so she can build your sister a whorehouse.
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Boston Marathon
I told my fat friend to run in the boston marathon. I told him, "A little exercise won't kill you".
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So I saw some guys running the Boston marathon
They just blew strait through the finish line!
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You hear about the Boston Marathon?
Shit was a blast.
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Want to lose 8 ugly pounds?
Chop your head off.
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I have a problem. I'm driven wild by dirty talk.
This isn't a problem unto itself, but when you're also a necrophiliac...
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What are the most popular boys' names for 2013?
Sure as hell not Dzhokhar and Tamerlan.
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Did you hear about the dead hipster?
He's so underground.
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Why did God give women legs?
So they wouldn't leave snail trails on linoleum floors
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What do a tornado and a Nigger have in common. . .
It only takes one to ruin a neighborhood.
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What's common between the human race and jelly beans?
No one likes the black ones
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What do you call the Roman Catholic church?
Fucking assholes fucking assholes
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What's green, pink, blue, and is chained to my front porch?
My nigger, and I'll paint him whatever damn colors I want.
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What's black and screams?
Stevie Wonder answering the iron.
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It was my wife's birthday yesterday, so I got her...
It was my wife's birthday yesterday, so I got her what she's been wanting for months.
An abortion.
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How many men does it take to give a black man a shower?
5.One to hold him and 4 to piss.
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You people shouldn't make so many jokes about black people!
You people shouldn't make so many jokes about black people! there's a black guy in my family tree...
... in fact, I think he's still up there.
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Oscar is gay!
Little Bobby ran to his mother. He yelled mom! mom! Oscar is gay! What made you think that she said. His Dick tastes like shit!
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Why is a brick similar to a fat chick?
They both get laid by Mexicans.
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What would you call the Jetsons if they were black?
Niggers!